Glitch: lit/art/misc.

Connection Time-Out: correspondence with Simon Høgsberg.

A major part of my work in Glitch is reaching out and connecting with potential contributors, collaborators, and distributors. Sometime in late December I made a connection with Simon Høgsberg, an artist based in Coppenhagen, Denmark. My email was unsolicited. Browsing through links on my RSS Feed reader I stumbled upon Simon’s portfolio site and was quickly overtaken by an impulse to contact the artist with words of admiration and an invite to check-out Glitch1.2.

I often do this when moved by a particular work, but rarely get such an enthusiastic reply. To my surprise a message from Simon arrived within days and I was at once engaged by this energetic new contributor.

Our conversation began with the definition of the term glitch and its relation to the current theme – Connection Time-Out. Simon’s inquisitive and engaging nature took me by surprise, effectively steering the exchange in its own direction, away from anything I intended or could foresee. While it was my intention to get Simon to engage with Glitch and produce a unique, creative artifact, I did not expect this product to be an examination of my own ideas, nature, personal history and their connection to this publication.

I am tremendously grateful to Simon for his participation, his openness and his ability to inspire.

– Vadim

The following text is the record of our correspondence beginning with Simon’s reply to the invitation from Glitch – everything is presented without omissions or corrections:

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Hej Vadim,

Thank you very much for your precise description of what Glitch is and the kind of platform you want Glitch to be. I just read the wiki-description of what a glitch is – curiously one line of the description says:

Normally, a glitch occurs once, but can also occur multiple times in a particular software (though also in nature and in human organizations)

Normally it occurs once… That’s interesting.

And then we have the theme for the next issue which is Connection Time-Out. I’m just thinking aloud – it occurs once AND connection Time-out. I immediately imagine a relationship where one of the parties has had enough and demands a break – a time-out – and that this time out turns out to be a time-out that is for good (because it happens once. Like the Glitch. After that the two people will end their connection).

A question to you: can you think of any situation in your life where exactly this has occurred – a situation that turned out like that? If you can I’d love to hear it. What happened?

Perhaps I can take up your thread and elaborate on your answer somehow – be it in the form of more mail-writing or something else – perhaps – I don’t know – a visual contribution to Glitch. It’s just a thought. But sometimes progress can only be made together – when there are two or more people helping each other forward.

Kind regards,

Simon

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Wow.

Simon.

I just scrolled through your page again and noticed a familiar face.

The avant-garde dating project! Man!

This is really uncanny and pretty damn Glitched up.

Ok. So…

Laurel, from the New Life Shop project you were involved with in Berlin.

She was my instructor at the University of Connecticut. It was a sculpture class.

In a sense, we had a Connection-Time-Out.

Here is the story:

For whatever reason, and this is still unknown to me (why do some people prompt certain reactions and pre-judgements, negative or positive and others simply leave as they came without any effect?) I took a dislike in Laurel. I simply did not like her from the very moment of the first class. I remember thinking that she was “full of shit”. (whatever that meant to a freshman art student) Even though I havent given her much chance, she seemed somehow haughty to me, and very much an elitist. She used words like “paltry” to describe my attempts at sculpture (which were in fact paltry, because I did not like the class and/or really, was not very disposed to sculpture, but that is besides the point.). To me she embodied the art “snob” and I vowed to subvert her class any way I could. Because I was still developing and did not yet have the intellectual ammo to be subversive without being expelled from her class I became the typical case of a “bad” student. I would be disruptive in class, openly question her intended coursework for good reason or bad and was plainly a nuisance. I was openly failing the class, but would still show up at workshops and sit through the excruciating hours. This continued all semester until the time of the final project.

It was strange – there was something between us. She could have simply failed me, and she would have been right for doing so, but for some reason she didn’t – she did not entirely give up on me, she wanted to give me a chance. It was a straight forward and simple ultimatum – if I put “serious” work into the final project, she would not fail me and in fact would give me a good grade. This was very reasonable, but of course did not dispose me to her any better, and only fueled my antipathy even more. I assume it was due the way of her conversation – the entire dynamic was so patronizing and structured in such a way that to me felt belittling. I felt that Laurel was pretending to be this great specimen of an artist and that “I had to bow down to her might”, or something like that.(Now I understand that she was a older, and much more educated and eloquent woman and I was a young and very raw and uncultured and in many ways ignorant student…but still…i had my instincts and for whatever reason would not let them be silenced)

So. For the final project I basically brought a bunch of trash. I mean, its not really that simple. Because we could use any materials or found object I decided to make a “subversive statement” with my trash. There was, of course, a catch. I dont know how this happened (call it glitch coincidence), but I found a perfect “receptacle” for the garbage and a conceptual frame that would not make me fail the class, but in fact make a “real” art project…A friend of mine had a novelty beer cooler, a real replica of R2D2 (from Star Wars:). I have no idea how he got it, and how many there are out there, but it was real, magnificent and life-size! So. I simply emptied the contents of my trashcan and trashcans of all of my friends into this R2D2 and brought it to the critique. Thats it.

Of course I made up a proper description and real reason for its existence which had something to do with the environment and commercialism, but really, I just wanted to bring some trash to Laurel’s class. The whole thing worked, too well. She lauded me for my creative effort. And after the critique was complete, there was a moment between us. She took me aside and we exchanged a few words.

I think she was honest, and this made me feel incredibly small and guilty. She was honestly praising me on not being a total loser and the stereotype of whatever it was that I was trying to be, but actually take the work seriously and put some thought and effort behind it. She liked it so much that I think she gave me a B for the whole class (a grade I definitely did not deserve). When we talked after the critique, through her words I began to believe that maybe this was a great piece of art, that somehow I made something that was “real” and did not even know it…..For a second I felt like it was something else, like I was someone else….

Maybe thats the connection time-out…..Maybe that moment was what the connection-time out means. A connection time-out from your own self…. when something which you so well (your reality) ends up turning around on you and pointing a big finger and laughing in your face….or maybe its the other way around? Hrm…..

Anyway. It was a good looking piece. But only because it was R2D2. It had little to do with environment, or commercialism, or even sculpture. Afterwords, I emptied the trash back into the buckets, cleaned the cooler and brought it back to my friend who probably filled it back up with beer and other forms of alcohol. I cracked the top of it in the process of transporting from the gallery and had to apologize at length to my friend. But I never yet apologized to Laurel….and even today, I dont think I would.

V

P.S. I dont know if this counts. It just came out in an impulse. I really dont know what you can do with this, but I thought you would certainly find it interesting.

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Hej Vadim,

Thank you very much for your mail and the detailed story. It is strange, the coincidence with Laurel – the aspect of both you and me knowing the same woman, not just superficially but pretty well.

It’s funny, I only have a positive impression of her, she seemed to me and seems to me to be very cool, sane, pragmatic, rational and good-spirited and likable, and then it turns out that this same woman triggered in you feelings and thoughts of a whole different kind. Crazy. I must say, it seems to me that she handled you – the class rebel (at least in the final project-case) – with patience and dignified self-control.

Hm.

Maybe you owe her an apology. Maybe that’s the project. The comment is really coming spontaneously and from the good will of my heart. Letting go of strong convictions is pretty damn hard. Especially if we’ve invested so much time and effort in them as you seem to have in the case of your relation to Laurel.

To me art is a form of inquiry – an expression of an urge to become more conscious. And how do we become more conscious – one way is by looking at ourselves and recognizing that part in us that really is not… very cool.

And what part is that? The part that doesn’t want us to evolve. The part that tries to convince us that we’re supercool the way we are. And which, of course, keeps blaming the world for fuck-ups that we ourselves are responsible for. It’s liberating. Unpleasant at first but liberating.

It’s just a suggestion. Maybe it’s bad. I’m not so sure it is bad – you could even include our correspondence!

Let me know what you think.

Kind regards,

Simon

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Simon,

Sorry for the connection time-out, I was in a process of applying for graduate programs in graphic design for the past few months. (Maybe it comes easier to some people, but for me it wasnt so…the essay alone probably added a few grey hairs.)

I have often thought of your reply in the midst of writing letters or color-correcting my images and I think you are right – I will write that letter to Laurel. In many ways I was hoping for some stunning visual piece of work from you, a thing that would make me gasp and boost my very own ego for being able to attract such talented people into my world, but a different thing is happening entirely. You are making me examine this impulse and confront my own ego in very subtle and productive ways. That is a rare skill and a further testament to your creative energy and talent (please forgive for sappy compliments, but they are completely deserved.)

I don’t know if this is the end of our collaboration, but I really hope it isnt. I will continue to admire your work and hope for more connection moments in the future.

Best,

Vadim

P.S. Maybe I could include correspondence between me and you? What do you think about all of this? Maybe this doesn’t have to be done with just my story? What does connection time-out mean to you personally?

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Hej Vadim,

Thank you very much for your mail. It makes me happy to read that your and my correspondence has been cooking in your head and that you’ve reached the conclusions you have. It’s not every person who’s willing to simply drop “firm beliefs” as your mail gives me reason to think you have – it speaks to your great advantage. I’m also happy that you decided to let me know of the thoughts you’ve had in relation to our correspondence in stead of keeping your insights to yourself.

The funny thing is that there’s nothing personal about the whole thing you went through with Laurel (it’s a totally impersonal cultural phenomenon). Almost every single one of us, me included (I’ve got a very big ego) have been raised to believe that we’re unique and special – not because we’ve accomplished anything particularly great in life – but just because we are, you know. So naturally that’s what we begin to believe ourselves: I’m number one, and I just am. I don’t have to do anything to prove it. I just know I am.

And then, if people won’t give me the attention that my parents (say) have been giving me all me life, and which I now crave, I become frustrated. See how many people running around trying to desperately direct attention to themselves in all sort of sad ways? We’re talking about a narcissism pandemic that is everywhere. It doesn’t kill us but it makes us lonely. Why? Because we can’t work together. We can’t collaborate. We can only talk about ourselves. Because we’re only interested in ourselves.

I – the ego – am the center of the universe. And per definition there can’t be two centers. So fuck off.

But there is a way out – a way to break free of this sad post-modern sense of being un-free – trapped, as we are, in this very small, overly self-concerned ego-world where the most important thing (ever) is ‘how I feel’.

And judging from your mail you’re on to something. Why? Because with your mail you’ve shown that you’re actually willing to face and push away a part of you that you have realized is un-constructive, stupid, self-centered. And if you continue doing that – if you continue to be very aware of the motives behind your actions, and you drop the pride-part of you and start facing everything and avoiding nothing, in the end you will have nothing to hide. And then you can really – I’m talking: REALLY – be creative. Because then you won’t have any reason to lie anymore. Then you will be only interested in truth.

I don’t know if that makes sense.

I was so great to get you mail. And so great to write you.

Simon

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Simon!

Its been a little while, but I have been trying in vain to deliver the message to Laurel only to receive things like these:

——————————————————————————————————————

This message was created automatically by mail delivery software.
A message that you sent has not yet been delivered to one or more of its
recipients after more than 24 hours on the queue on server.everhost.com.

The message identifier is:     1NcFe8-0008Us-Hk
The date of the message is:    Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:03:43 -0800
The subject of the message is: a letter from Vadim Gershman

The address to which the message has not yet been delivered is:

laureljay@aol.com
(ultimately generated from LAUREL@LAURELJAY.COM)
Delay reason: SMTP error from remote mail server after end of data:
host mailin-04.mx.aol.com [64.12.90.66]: 421 4.2.1  MSG=:
(RLY:CH)  http://postmaster.info.aol.com/errors/554rlych.html

No action is required on your part. Delivery attempts will continue for
some time, and this warning may be repeated at intervals if the message
remains undelivered. Eventually the mail delivery software will give up,
and when that happens, the message will be returned to you.

——————————————————————————————————————

Ha.

I was going to post the autobot response to you and talk about the irony of the whole thing – everythign coming back to the level of robots telling me that there is a “connection time-out” right as I am looking to re-connect.

Fortunately, my last attempt worked and Laurel sent me a response. So, connection was made again after a significant time-out.

This has been a very strange and unique creative experience. I am extremely grateful to you for participating and being an incisive and probing collaborator.

Thank you,

V

P.S. Whats next? Should I just post all of our exchanges on the Glitch? Do you think it needs editing or some kind of a framework?

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Hej Vadim,

I get the irony! Interesting.
I think a lot of valuable stuff will start to happen to people who begin to become interested in knowing and dealing with whatever flaws they’ve been blind to until this day.

I don’t know how to respond to your question as to whether or not you should publicize our whole correspondence or an edited version of it – or none of it.

It makes most sense to me, I think, to let you make the decision. To me it would make sense to find an answer to this question: what would the motive be to publicize the whole thing (edited or unedited)? Are we doing it, basically, to brag about how honest we dare to be or are we fundamentally convinced that making it public on your site will benefit people more than it will harm them.

Hm… I don’t know. It could be cool – or the opposite. Who knows. How about this: you don’t know until you’ve tried it – so how about trying it out – that is, putting it up on your site – and then if it feels wrong then you’ve learned from doing it. No? What do you think?

After all, as we both agreed to begin with – art can’t be anything other than a learning process. Can it? I don’t know… I don’t think it can. That’s what it’s about – wizening up – isn’t it? Exploring new territory – ALL THE TIME. All the time. That’s it. That’s life. What it’s about.

Hm. I’m excited to seeing what will happen.

Regards,

Simon

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Simon,

I am doing it – publishing this exchange on Glitch. I also thought about publishing my “letter of apology” to Laurel, but thought it should remain between me and her…

I have thought about what you said in the previous letter – and I think there is no escaping the “bragging” or the “ego”. The creative impulse, the thing that searches to connect still emanates from within, and no matter how much one is to negate it or try to deny its existence its still there. But from that impulse connections are made, and narratives unfold. That must be worth something, other than self-edifying lust to be seen and heard. Right?

I am gona send you a link once its up.

Hope to work on some more stuff with you, and if you are ever on this side of the world you’ve got a place to crash wherever I happen to be.

Always best,

Vadim

Posted

04/06/2010, 11:30

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